I conveniently trimmed out the part where I nearly died at the end.

I got my first head and arm choke on someone who’s been training for as long as me (minus maybe a few months). It was one of those moments where you want to celebrate and scream about it (because I suck at chokes), but you just choked out your friend so it would be impolite…

There is someone at my gym who’s like a wizard at finding the head and arm, but they have always evaded me. RNCs are the only chokes I ever get, and even those kind of suck because I’m not great at retaining my hooks while also hand fighting a well-defended choke. I can also get triangle chokes because they go better with my armbar attacks.

I snatched it up from mount and just slowly, slowly cinched it while working to slide over to the correct side, almost getting caught in half guard along the way. Which would usually make me let go of the choke to retain my position, but I was able to do both (finally). When I got to the side I finally applied the choke as I walked my feet up towards her head. 

Yesterday, I also held back control for much longer by using a hook every time she would hop a leg to continue to control her movement until I could scooch back under or transition to side control or mount depending on her defense.

I’m at like 2.5 years now. I’m totally at a stage right now where I feel like I suck. There have been times where I felt practically unbeatable, which I think makes you perform better, whereas right now I doubt everything I do. But I think, ultimately, it’s because I’m taking risks I should have been taking all along. I’m trying new things - I’m relatively comfortable in closed, open and hybrid/butterfly guards, but will allow my guard to be passed as a result of trying new things. While it’s sometimes demoralizing, it’s also what training is for. Dominating people using your go-to skills isn’t really “practicing.” Or maybe it is? Sometimes I wonder if someone like Rousey’s strength is simply in knowing what works for her. Every risk is calculated, it’s not “for fun.” Who knows what she’s like in practice, though.

Although I think I read somewhere that this is the kind of training you soak up when there isn’t an upcoming event - I don’t need to feel unbeatable right now because there’s no anxiety about an upcoming opponents. Now is the time for risks. It’s time to troubleshoot and fail safely.

It’s weird how much more motivating that is for me - every time I have a class where I’m like, “what even is a jiu jitsu?” as soon as I leave I start counting down the hours until my next class.

I’ve been playing an exceptionally lazy and patient game which I don’t think translates well to competition, so in the next month or so I may want to ramp up the aggressiveness just a little bit so I don’t forget how to do it.

One year.
Last weekend my husband ran the Portland marathon for the second time. As a a finishing gift, they give you a tree sapling. The tree on the right is from last year and the tree on the left is from this year.
About 15 days after he completed his first marathon and we planted the sapling last year, one of my closest friends died in a car accident. In 11 days we will hit the one-year-anniversary of her death.
As I talk about the upcoming anniversary with those close to me, we all have similar reactions - somewhere between, “already??” and “it feels as though it’s been longer than that…’
It just shows that judging the passing of time is something we all do differently. For me, I like to use dates to help me remember. Yes, solidly, October 23rd marks one year since Emily died. Whatever it feels like, one year has passed. October 24th marks one year since I found out. I found out on a Thursday morning, when I worked up the courage to respond to a cryptic Facebook message from her step mother and a phone call from a  friend. I called the friend in the room reserved for nursing mothers on a break at work. I think I already knew, because I started crying immediately when she answered the phone.
One day after I found out, we left town and visited my nephew who was only six weeks old at the time. I put my grief on hold and relished my time with family. I returned to reality. On November 10th, I attended a memorial show at The Mill in Iowa City.
In this last year, I competed four times in jiu jitsu, and had some personally important successes and some failures. My teammate went professional in MMA, which has resulted in emotional highs and lows as her training partner. I started a new job which requires much more personal responsibility than my previous one. Sometimes I feel stressed, and I wonder why, and then I try to remember that life is hard on its own; but my life has been particularly up and down in the last year. 
I’m really proud of what I’m doing right now. I’m doing my best to be emotionally present without letting it hold me back. It would have been really easy to spend this year refusing challenges. I’ve had a good excuse to stop when things got hard. The first practice after she died, I was there in the gym. I actually needed it. I could have left my failures make me stop. It is so much easier not to care and to just get by being comfortable. I could have stayed in my other job where I was comfortable and knew exactly what I was doing. But I’m here, and I’m still fighting; still trying to grow and evolve. I hope nothing ever stops me.

One year.

Last weekend my husband ran the Portland marathon for the second time. As a a finishing gift, they give you a tree sapling. The tree on the right is from last year and the tree on the left is from this year.

About 15 days after he completed his first marathon and we planted the sapling last year, one of my closest friends died in a car accident. In 11 days we will hit the one-year-anniversary of her death.

As I talk about the upcoming anniversary with those close to me, we all have similar reactions - somewhere between, “already??” and “it feels as though it’s been longer than that…’

It just shows that judging the passing of time is something we all do differently. For me, I like to use dates to help me remember. Yes, solidly, October 23rd marks one year since Emily died. Whatever it feels like, one year has passed. October 24th marks one year since I found out. I found out on a Thursday morning, when I worked up the courage to respond to a cryptic Facebook message from her step mother and a phone call from a  friend. I called the friend in the room reserved for nursing mothers on a break at work. I think I already knew, because I started crying immediately when she answered the phone.

One day after I found out, we left town and visited my nephew who was only six weeks old at the time. I put my grief on hold and relished my time with family. I returned to reality. On November 10th, I attended a memorial show at The Mill in Iowa City.

In this last year, I competed four times in jiu jitsu, and had some personally important successes and some failures. My teammate went professional in MMA, which has resulted in emotional highs and lows as her training partner. I started a new job which requires much more personal responsibility than my previous one. Sometimes I feel stressed, and I wonder why, and then I try to remember that life is hard on its own; but my life has been particularly up and down in the last year. 

I’m really proud of what I’m doing right now. I’m doing my best to be emotionally present without letting it hold me back. It would have been really easy to spend this year refusing challenges. I’ve had a good excuse to stop when things got hard. The first practice after she died, I was there in the gym. I actually needed it. I could have left my failures make me stop. It is so much easier not to care and to just get by being comfortable. I could have stayed in my other job where I was comfortable and knew exactly what I was doing. But I’m here, and I’m still fighting; still trying to grow and evolve. I hope nothing ever stops me.

writersgrief

theronindiaries:

notcisjustwoman:

I just want to clarify that I do not agree with physical fighting, including MMA, boxing, etc, for either men OR women. I wouldn’t want to see it outlawed because I don’t think that’s the way to deal with it, but I think it is morally reprehensible for…


m0sca said: Ouch that’s not good. Have you looked into free running apps for your phone? I’ve use the nike plus app to keep track of my runs.

I have looked into them, yes! First I would need to buy something to actually carry the phone with me - I’m exceptionally lo-tech when it comes to running. Just me and a key.

m0sca said: How far did you run ?

Only two miles, but the goal was speed. I’ve been running 3.2 miles with a focus on feeling comfortable the whole time. This time my goal was to push myself a little bit harder but at a shorter distance. I don’t currently have any kind of device to track my time, but based on the clock when I came and left, my miles were between 9 and 10 minutes. 

It’s the same shoes I always run in, too!

Pros of having willpower and a high pain tolerance: you finish what you set out to do. 

Cons of having willpower and a high pain tolerance: you keep running even though you should be able to tell that you’re rubbing the flesh off of your Achilles’ tendon.

Pros of having willpower and a high pain tolerance: you finish what you set out to do.

Cons of having willpower and a high pain tolerance: you keep running even though you should be able to tell that you’re rubbing the flesh off of your Achilles’ tendon.